• One day there was a fire in a wastebasket in the office of the Dean of Sciences. In rushed a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician. The physicist immediately starts to work on how much energy would have to be removed from the fire to stop the combustion. The chemist works on which reagent would have to be added to the fire to prevent oxidation. While they are doing this, the statistician is setting fires to all the other wastebaskets in the office. "What are you doing?" the others demand.
    The statistician replies, "Well, to solve the problem, you obviously need a larger sample size."

  • Why don't statisticians like to model clothes?

    Because they are concerned with lack of fit.

    Bruce White

  • What do you call a tea party with more than 30 people?

    A Z party!

    Stacey Ecott

  • Excerpt from a statistician's commitment ceremony:

    "...and do you take this woman to be your lifetime statistically significant other?"

    "Well, I can't reject her, even at the 0.05 level of significance!"

    Larry Lesser

  • Q: Why was the impatient student leader so obsessed about rejecting the null hypothesis?

    A: She had an alpha personality.

    Larry Lesser and Dennis Pearl

  • The only relevant test of the validity of a hypothesis is comparison of prediction with experience.

    Milton Friedman (1912 - 2006)

  • Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

    John Dalberg-Acton (1834 - 1902)

  • ...if the difference isn't different enough to make a difference, what's the difference?

    Victor Chew (1923 - )