50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

lyric © 2021, 2022 by Lawrence M Lesser
may sing to the tune of the same-titled song by Paul Simon

“The problem is all inside your head,” she said to me.
“The answer is easy, combinatorially:
To count the ways and reasons to set yourself free
You’ll see there’s 50 ways to leave your lover.”

She asked, “Why did your love not survive?”
You can choose from a list of 5:
Money, sex, in-laws, trust, and talks that didn’t jive--
So far that’s 5 ways to leave your lover,
5 ways to leave your lover....

CHORUS: We’ll count how many, Jenny, of each set, Chet,
Then multiply, Vi: multiplication principle!
Make a tally, Sally: ev’ry way, Ray!
The product’s Cartesian, Steven: multiplication principle!

She asked how I’ll tell her that the love is gone.
I said there’s 5 ways I’m trying on:
Email, text, phone call, letter, or a song --
That now makes 25 ways to leave your lover.

She said, “What will you do with all the stuff you’ve got,
Stuff she gave you ‘cause she loved you a lot?”
I said, “2 choices: I keep it or not --
now I see 50 ways to leave your lover,
52 times 2 ways to leave your lover....

(Repeat Chorus)