It is commonly believed that anyone who tabulates numbers is a statistician. This is like believing that anyone who owns a scalpel is a surgeon.
Robert Hooke (1918 - 2003)
It is commonly believed that anyone who tabulates numbers is a statistician. This is like believing that anyone who owns a scalpel is a surgeon.
Robert Hooke (1918 - 2003)
A judicious man uses statistics, not to get knowledge, but to save himself from having ignorance foisted upon him.
Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881)
Lyric copyright by Dennis Pearl
may sing to tune of "Give Peace a Chance" (John Lennon)
Ev'rybody's talkin' bout
transformation, correlation, observation, estimation,
nesting and testing.
All we are saying is Learn to use Chance.
All we are saying is Learn to use Chance.
C'mon
Ev'rybody's talkin' bout
specificity sensitivity, variance, and confidence,
treatment, experiment, error and squarer,
poll and control.
All we are saying is Learn to use Chance.
All we are saying is Learn to use Chance.
Ev'rybody's talkin' bout
boxplot and dotplot, stemplot, scatterplot,
thisplot and thatplot.
All we are saying is Learn to use Chance.
All we are saying is Learn to use Chance.
All we are saying is Learn to use Chance.
All we are saying is Learn to use Chance.
Lyric copyright by Mark Glickman
may sing to tune of "Satisfaction" (Mick Jagger, Keith Richards)
I can't get no statisfaction,
I can't get no statisfaction.
'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try.
I can't get no, I can't get no.
When I'm sitting down at lecture,
And that man begins to explain to me
That you must pay close attention
When you're fitting your regression
To heteroskedasticity!
I can't get no, oh no no no.
Hey hey hey, that's what I say.
I can't get no statisfaction,
I can't get no statisfaction.
'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try.
I can't get no, I can't get no.
When I'm working on my homework,
And I'm filled with great uncertainty,
So I choose the pooled procedure,
And my teacher points and laughs at me
'Cause our p-values don't agree!
I can't get no, oh no no no.
Hey hey hey, that's what I say.
I can't get no statisfaction,
I can't get no strong relation.
'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try.
I can't get no, I can't get no.
When I'm handed my diploma
For my hard-earned Bachelor's degree,
And the Dean says I cannot leave
Until I give an explanation
How to compute a correlation.
I can't get no, oh no no no.
Hey hey hey, that's what I say.
I can't get no, I can't get no,
I can't get no statisfaction,
no statisfaction, no statisfaction, no statisfaction.
Lyrics copyright by Jeff Witmer
May sing to the tune of "Desperado" (The Eagles)
Statistician, why don't you come to your senses
Your boxplots use fences, outliers to find
Take observations, stratified samples or surveys
But when you experiment, use a double-blind
Don't you draw unlabeled axes now, or think about a line plot
You know a scatterplot is always your best bet
Now it seems to me some areas can be found in your Z table
But you only want to use the internet
Statistician, oh you ain't getting the answer
The pain of a chi-square is driving you home
Degrees of freedom, well that just Bill Gosset talking
Your fingers are walking through t tables alone
Don't placebos help when effects confound
Your power's up and your alpha's down
And it's hard to tell a treatment from control T
rimming all your highs and lows,
the median must be the way to go
Statistician, you should be taking a census
Your samples are messy, so throw them away
It may be hard now, but there's a Bayesian above you
You better let the CAUSE web love
(You better let the CAUSE web love)
You better let the CAUSE web love, before it's too late.
Lyrics and music ©1994-2005 by Lawrence Mark Lesser
I've been mean-in' to tell ya 'bout my last co-relation,
I've been median to tell ya 'bout my last co-relation:
She wasn't from Haiti, but she was variation!
(unexplained and uncontrolled!)
I saw her with ANOVA man, and they were not discrete,
I saw her with ANOVA man, and they were not discrete--
I went proba-ballistic and let out a Pearson scream!
(those deviates! What a moment!)
Told her, "If you're gamma data me, mu beta change your mode.
If you gamma data me, mu beta change your mode.
Chi-square you'll be inference, if you random that road!
(you'll be confounded-- and skewed!)
Called up my dad: "Hi Pa! This is testing my heart!"
Yeah I told my dad: "Hypothesis testing my heart!"
He said, "What's your expectation? Ya met her at an X-bar."
(You're right, Dad! Simulator!)
mean blues guitar solo
She was my significant other -- significant at point-oh-three,
She was my significant other -- significant at point-oh-three,
But alpha get her soon -- as sample as can be!
(Time serious!)
Gonna reclaim my degrees of freedom -- as sample as can be!
Lyric copyright by Joy Jordan
Yo-yo listen...
Across the nation
There is a need for standard deviation
For explaining variation
For measuring correlation
But don't always believe what they say
in that USA today
'Cause you know that correlation don't imply causalateh
Is it a random sample?
Is the number of people ample?
Or is the response voluntary?
If so, this could get hairy!
Is the sampling biased?
Is the variation vast?
Then the results aren't legit
And we can kick your es-timate.
Chorus(think Eminem's "Lose Yourself" chorus):
Lose yourself in the data, the theory
You want it, you know you'll never let it go -- whoa.
Stats class is helpful, is necessary
You'll use it everywhere you go -- whoa.
Now here's a story
Of the residuals' glory.
Do the errors seem to fan?
Then rethink the regression, man.
Outliers can have an effect
That you can't neglect.
So first graph the data --
You'll be happy lay-tah.
Hey -- we have the same birthday.
Wow!
But we might see an effect that portends of consequence
When actually it's coincidence
Can we really be that dense?
The meaning of life, you ask?
I'm up to the task.
Hear the roll of the drum...
It's the Central Limit Theorum.
Repeat Chorus
Now what if we want to estimate the mean of the population?
Do we just give an estimate, or is there more explanation?
If you say the confidence is in the interval not the method,
Then you haven't learned the lesson -- which is what I've dreaded.
When you're hearing someone rant
About a result that's significant
Ask if the assumptions are met
Otherwise it's probably crap that you'll get.
If you've been studying all term
Then there's no reason to squirm.
You should have this stuff down pat,
'Cause statistics is where it's at!
Lyric copyright by Dennis Pearl
may sing to tune of "You've Got Your Troubles" (The Fortunes)
I see that worried look upon your face,
You've got your models, I got mine.
She's found another theory to take your place;
You've got your models, I got mine.
I too have lost my fit today,
All my outliers are too far away.
Now just like you, I sit and wonder why;
You've got your models, I got mine.
You need some assumptions, well so do I,
You've got your models, I got mine.
It used to fit the data, that I know,
And it don't seem so long ago
That we were talking, about adding blocking
The way that models do.
I too have lost my fit today,
All my outliers are too far away.
And so forgive me if I seem unkind,
You've got your models, I got mine.
(Counter: And it must seem to you, my friend
That I ain't got no pity for you,
Well, that ain't true,
You see I love that linear model, linear model, linear model.)
It might help predict another time,
You've got your models, I got mine.
You've got your models, I got mine.
You've got your models, I got mine.
Lyrics copyright by David Blackwell
May sing to the tune of "Who! [Stole my Heart Away]" (Jerome Kern)
Bayes! You're the very best,
True than all the rest,
Confidence, significance too,
I don't need them since I have you!
CHORUS: Bayes! Best of all I see,
Bayes! Right as right can be,
Bayes! You're the one for me,
Bayes! Bayes! No one but you!
Bayes! You're the very best,
Simpler than all the rest,
Just five words as clear as can be:
Post is prior times likelihood. See!
(Repeat Chorus)
Lyrics copyright by Dennis Pearl
may sing to the tune of "Where Have All the Flowers Gone" (Pete Seeger)
Where have all the students gone?
They're just passing
Where have all the students gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the students gone?
Exams have tricked them every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?
Where have all the midterms gone?
They're just passing
Where have all the midterms gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the midterms gone?
Taken rote answers every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?
Where have all the answers gone?
They're just passing
Where have all the answers gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the answers gone?
Soon forgotten every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?
Where has what's forgotten gone?
They're just passing
Where has what's forgotten gone?
Long time ago
Where has what's forgotten gone?
Stayed with teachers every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?
Where have all the teachers gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the teachers gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the teachers gone?
Wanting students thinking every one
When will we ever learn?
When will we ever learn?