What's the Method You Want?

lyrics by Greg Crowther and Leila Zelnick
may be sung to the tune of "You're the One That I Want" by John Farrar

DZ: You’ve got data from a trial
With a treatment and control;
An ANOVA can determine
If the treatment's workin'!

SO: You better shape up --
No ANOVA, man!
Use a tool that’s more precise!
You better shape up --
Do ANCOVA, man!
Make your error bars look nice!

DZ: Make 'em nice!
"Use ANCOVA" is my advice!

What's the method you want?
(Method that you want, ooh, ooh, ooh!)
It depends on the study you’ve got!
(Study that you've got, ooh, ooh, ooh, Honey!)
What's the method you want?
Method that you want, ooh, ooh, ooh!)
It just depends (just depends)!
Be smart, my friends (yes, my friends)!

SO: If your groups aren’t random,
Different baselines may be seen.
An ANCOVA will regress them
To the mean.

DZ: You better shape up,
’Cause you need to know...
SO: ...You need to know
How group changes should be scored.
DZ: A question asked
That is unconditional...
SO: ...Unconditional,
Needs ANOVA, nothing more.
DZ: Nothing more...
BOTH: ...As explained by Frederic Lord!


[repeat and fade]