The P-Value Song

By Michael Greenacre & Gurdeep Stephens
Barcelona, Catalonia & Victoria, Canada, March 2015

Statistics, logistics, cladistics seem to me
To have a common theme scientifically,
Economists, biologists, with PhD degrees,
They all need some proof of their theories.
A letter is the key, you'll see clearly,
Not B nor G nor V -- but it's the P !

There's no values like P-values
Like no values I know
Think of something that is not worth proving,
An hypothesis that everyone calls null,
If your P is too large to reject it
Then your experiment is rather dull.

There's no values like P-values,
Especially when they are low,
Don't be sad if your P's over point-O-five,
Just try again with samples twice the size,
Everything is possible, just trust in me:
Put your faith in the P.

The F test, the Z test, the chi-square and the T
And other cryptic terminology
Anova, regression, tests distribution-free,
They all need some sort of guarantee.
So if you find a tiny effect size
The P-value will be a good disguise.

There's no values like P-values,
The frequentist's hero,
When you get that data modeling feeling
But results you have are not a lot,
You will need some stats that are appealing
To show the journals your work is hot!

There's no values like P-values
Especially when they're low
Don't be sad if your P's over point-O-five,
Just try again with samples twice the size
Everything is possible, just trust in me:
Put your faith in the P!

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