Expected Val(ue)

Lyrics © 2017 Larry Lesser

Sung to the tune of the 2013 #1 Miley Cyrus hit “Wrecking Ball”
by Stephan Richard Moccio, Maureen McDonald, Sacha Skarbek, Kukasz Gottwald, Henry Walter

Verse 1: You know that I would never buy what would av’rage to a loss:
No policy on my body when fate brought catastrophic cost!

CLIMB: Don't you really see, I just used the mean: I will always want μ.
E(X) I find helps me run my life: I will always want μ.

CHORUS: I lived by the expected val, only positive was good enough,
All I wanted was a rationale -- all it ever did was wre-eh-eck me!
Yeah, it wre-eh-ecked me!

Verse 2: I turned away 400 K when I told Howie “No deal!”
To win 1 buck or a million: I played that game with nerves of steel!

(Repeat Climb, Repeat Chorus without last line, Repeat Chorus)

BRIDGE: I never meant to start a war -- I just wanted a criterion
To navigate uncertainty -- I guess I was a Bayesian.
I never bought a warranty, I never played the lottery:
Expected loss was not for me.
“Use utility,” some now say to me. I will always want μ.....

(Repeat Chorus without last line, Repeat Chorus)