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Correlation Does Not Imply Causation

Music and Lyrics © 2016 Monty Harper

OPENING CHORUS:
Correlation does not imply causation
Correlation does not imply causation

People who own goggles are often getting fit
We seem to see that happen quite a lot
May we conclude that getting fit is caused by owning goggles?
Clearly, we may not!
If we take into account how many people swim,
It's a factor that confounds the implication,
For people who swim own goggles and get fit
And that that explains our wacky correlation!

[REPEAT OPENING CHORUS] 

I've found that when I'm happy, I often seem to giggle
Knowing that may really serve me well.
Or maybe when I giggle, it tends to make me happy?
How am I supposed to tell?
The arrow of causation may point left or right or both,
So here's what I suspect to be the scoop:
I giggle and I feel happy so I giggle and feel more happy
So I giggle because I'm in a causal loop!

[REPEAT OPENING CHORUS] 

The yearly rate of poverty and the length of my own hair
Correlate with an r of .99
I discovered this by accident and I don't know what to do
With this amazing hair of mine!
Is there some hidden mystic power built into my hair?
My professor says it's nothing of the kind.
It's coincidence my hair length predicts the yearly rate of poverty,
The universe is just messing with my mind.

[REPEAT OPENING CHORUS] 

Post hoc ergo propter hoc is just a fallacy
You expect a certain melody here, but - that's up to me 

[REPEAT OPENING CHORUS 2X] 


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